No Trigger - Pure MADNESS

That's why I was so worried. Because of the lack of trigger. He did nothing wrong. He cooked, he was sweet, perfection, but I felt something was wrong. 

Maybe I felt like I was reliving the past. Same apartment, same routine, same conversations about Argentina, so why not the same break up?  Everything was perfect last time around too, until the day he completely turned on me and broke up. Maybe I am getting scared that we are getting to that point again. Maybe the relationship is moving to quick again? For him ... for me ... for both. Who knows? 

Anyhow, whatever it was, it was still going on this morning, and then POUF, it disappeared magically from one second to another. Completely gone! 

Perhaps it was the cooking or the rollerblading, or maybe my hormones are just calming down and my sanity is back, but I feel fine right now.  At least I think so. I haven't seen him yet. 

PS: so glad I can vent to you guys without really needing to justify myself 

 - Hope you both get some good sleep soon 

And about that jerk, f*** him and his attitude - and his small penis 

insomnia

I freaking hate being up all fucking night.  I've gotten less than 1 hour sleep in grand total tonight.  What a pain in the ass.

Bitch > Cock

First things first Sparky has not now nor has he ever been married; he is however in a relationship. He is also a giant cock! He was giving me all sorts of fucking attitude on the phone tonight. I don’t know who he thinks he is but hot isn’t a free pass to be cock.

Did no one give the memo that Bitch is greater than Cock?

Second the barking story; Barking is a place and every time a driver calls in from there, they say they’re calling from “woof woof”. But some drivers won’t play the game and refuse to woof. Hence the no sense of humor badge......we’re strange on night shift I know.  

Third; I really need sleep so feel free to proof read this blog for me. For some reason last night was really draining, yet it wasn’t really busy.

Now on to you as much as I would like you to not be with P I feel like I need to know what brought on this “panic attack” for lack of a better word, so I can give informed advice. What was the trigger? Didn't you have a weird turn like this last time you were dating him?

Sleepy Time

THB

To break up or not to break up?

Having a cigarette has never sounded so good ... Breaking up has never seemed so urgent ... But I am trying to be smart. No hasty decisions, and especially  no smoking. I stopped February 2012. It would be really stupid to start again now, or anytime matter of fact. I don't have cigarettes anyway (but I could go buy some.) 

As for the breaking up, I know you would probably throw a party and send me a gift (perhaps a vibrator) if I went through with it, but I am too shaken up to do anything. I wouldn't even know what to tell him without me sounding completely crazy, so for now I am shutting up. 

But my shutting up also means that tomorrow he will be asking what is wrong with me 'cause I never shut up. Perhaps me dropping off the keys of his apartment - without him asking for them - will also raise some questions. I hope not. I have no answers. 

Why all these feelings? Well that it is also another question without any answer at the moment. How did my mood do a 180 in less than one hour is a mystery. It makes me want to cry, but I can't seem to cry. 

I tried sitting on random stairs, away from everyone, and nothing happened. I thought maybe when I get to my apartment, in my room, completely alone, then tears will start flowing, and then I would feel better, right? That's what everyone says: you feel better after. I wouldn't know if they are lying or telling the truth. The crying did not happen, so there was no good after feeling. 

It is like my brain is divided in two parts: one wants to cry and the other is saying "what for? you have nothing to cry for you moron?" I wonder what his brain is thinking. I wonder if it is divided too or if he is just busy sleeping now and completely oblivious to everything happening in my little brains. 

LITTLE.BRAINS. 

Welcome "home" Jamie

So excited you are back from your vacation - I am finally going to get some sort of slack for being back with my ex. B was threatening to send me to North Korea.

Not sure if she is giving me the silence treatment or if she is too busy stalking married men on Facebook to write ... perhaps this post will make her react.

xoxo

LITTLE.BRAINS.

Penis Swords

I like all of them, but my favorite I have to say is Jamie's idea of the penis swords. However it could be misunderstood since penis sword is an actual expression in English, and the meaning is not pretty: "A sword penis is a term used to identify a man's penis after he has enjoyed lancing a woman's vagina while she is on her period." There was more, but it got a  little too graphic so I stopped there. 

Now the reason why I found this explanation is not because I am weird or obsessed with penis. I was Googling "sword penis" to find images that would be funny, and forgot to hit the "Image" button and then all this interesting articles came up. 

According to an online news-article called  " Get a job to buy me a new penis," a 64 year-old Bulgarian man got his penis chopped by his friend who was  playing with a Samurai sword. The friend got sentenced 6 years of jail time, but the penisless man got them to drop the charges. Not out of kindness, but because he wanted his friend to get a job so he could buy him a new penis . 

And also a tattoo artist decided to draw a 40 centimeter penis on this guy's back - the guy had asked for an oriental yen and yang tattoo. How much would that suck?Huh? 

Of course I also found a picture :) 

Not sure why the dudes are Asian - perhaps it is a reference to the Samurai  

Anyhow back to your amazing list, here are my additions:

a one night stand kind of guy: a condom

a guy scared of commitment: a Tiffany store with a big red cross or going up in flames - I will let you pick since I couldn't make up my mind

a guy who has weird pets: a cage 

a guy who is bad at sex: a box of Viagra

a guy who is too much into himself: a mirror 

PS: I want to know about the barking dog thing as soon as possible 

LITTLE.BRAINS. 

Bitchy Merlin 2.0

Oh, I’m not saying that. It’s a super bitchy move, but a bitchy move coming from a good place....Maybe.....I don’t actually know the friend but that’s my guess. And of course you don’t have to listen to them but like Jamie said if you don’t listen to them you can’t complain to them.

The way I see it, we can’t be all that crazy, after all our brains clearly work in a very similar way. It’s almost creepy how in sync they sometimes are. But in this case unlike you I’ve chosen to listen to my friends. I figure what are they odds they’re all wrong?

And PS I work with crazy....we’re not it J

Speaking of work; no it’s not time to look for a new job; minus the embarrassing melt down and lack of eye candy I’m enjoying it.  

And I did manage to find some eye candy tonight, the only good look driver magically grew a sense of humour, taking him from boring to perfect. Then I got home and entered his name in Facebook......The fucker is taken...oh and has a child! If he shaves his head I may as well call him Merlin 2.0. I’m not a happy bunny

I’ve decide the men at work should have to wear badges on their hi-vis vests to prevent this sort of thing happening again. I’ve even thought up designs for them

A man on a dog leash = taken

A pregnant lady and a man running away from her = has a child

A ruler = small penis

A high heel = gay

A dog with an open mouth as if it’s barking = no sense of humour (long story)

A women with a knife = crazy ex

Black lung = smoker

This is a fun game......do you have anymore to add?           

-THB

BITCH vs. BITCHY

So you are saying that what  my friend sent is not a bitchy move? Not a bitch move - that wouldn't be a bad thing - I am using the word BITCHY, which is a complete different meaning.

I know the nuance I just made might make no sense to anyone but me, but we have agreed that our brains do not work logically at all. Weirdly enough, they do seem to communicate with each other even without us talking to each other. Yes I am a little creeped out by the fact that we wrote kind of similar posts on our own respective blogs without even talking to each other before hand, but I will get over it eventually.

Anyhow, I get that it is normal that my friends hate him, but do I really have to listen to it non-stop and receive this kind of shitty articles?

As for work: no eye candy + your meltdown = perhaps you should be looking for another job my dear. Or am I mistaking?

Work-wise, I am having one of those days where it is really better I keep to myself what I am really thinking ... if not I might get fired or arrested for murder, and no lawyer will be able to bail me out .... so I am going to shut up now.

I have smaller boobs and my hair is a bit shorter ... but everything else is exactly me :) 

LITTLE.BRAINS. 

You Can Wish

My dear, you could marry P and they wouldn’t stop, at the end of the day as far as they’re concerned he hurt they’re friend and he should be punished for that horrible crime. It’s almost sweet when you think of it like that. However you do have every right to wish they’d shut up. It’s not going to happen but you can wish.

Just like I can wish all the decent guys at work weren’t pair bonded, but that isn’t going to change anything. I really wish Merlin (AKA Light Blue) hadn’t shaved his head; the guy looks like he joined a cult. Who am I meant to drool over now?

No single men, no eye candy...a girl can’t win J

"The resurfacing guy"

So far, I have been able to brush off everybody's non stop comments about my ex not being the right guy for me, and how I took him back too easily, and how I am just his back up plan. My dear I am not talking about you of course. You and I, different story. 

But a friend of mine went as far as sending me an article called "Anatomy of the resurfacing guy" that basically says my ex is constantly recycling through women - me included -  and just wants to keep me in his rotation. Lovely, huh? 

A picture of what my "friend" sent me, just the kind of stuff you want tot wake up to in the morning! 

Apparently my friends are all being jerks for my own good. But isn't there a point where they should stop? 

I obviously made up my mind. I am back with him. And yes he might break up with me tomorrow. And guess what? I might break up with him tomorrow too 'cause even though the week end has been lovely, this afternoon he really got on my nerves for some stupid crap. 

Regardless of him pissing me off, if my friends would just back away, I think life would be a little easier.

Am I being a jerk for wanting them to shut up? 

PS: I know I am setting myself up in this post since you pretty much STRONGLY  agree with them, but if I don't complain to you that they are getting on my nerves, to whom will I? 

LITTLE.BRAINS. 

Lazy summer day

True, I admit it: we are back together, but this time around I think I am much more realistic about the outcome, meaning there might not be one. This might just be temporary.

Not saying I want to end it, but I am just not holding my breath. Argentina might not happen this time around either, and I am OK with that. I don't have much control over it, but then again, what do we really have control over in our lives? Not much. 

First off, you have no control over the kind of family you are born in or the country you are born at, and I think those two factors have huge effects on your life. And then as you grow, life just throws stuff at you, and sometimes you dodge it, some other times you don't. 

I am not sure if I should be dodging what has been thrown at me right now, or embrace it/him. But dodging it/him seems too much work ... going with the flow just seems easier and requires less effort. It is summer after all. Laziness is a must .... which is why I am just a few days late answering you my dear :) 

LITTLE.BRAINS. 

He's Leaving On A Jet Plane

No none of that, I would however like to send him to a North Korean Prison Camp for the remained of his life....since apparently I can’t send you lol Maybe your cousin will pitch in for that? And I know you fly for free but I didn’t think you’d be a willing passenger on that flight.

I think we were in the same cliques in high school. Like you I was friends with everyone. I had my close friends but I hung out with everyone from the drama guys to the Goths. As long as they were fun to be around I didn’t give a fuck who they were.

Nights are going great. It’s so much fun and the people are fantastic but sadly I believe I’m back on days/afternoons next week. But it has to be done I need to learn what’s going on there. I need get as much knowledge as I can as quick as I can because it’s anyone’s guess how long this job will last.

Well I’m glad he finally owed up to being a tool, wish he would have done it earlier and saved us all a lot of time but better late than never I guess.....I still don’t like him and yes you should throw stuff at him...heavy stuff....like and elephant or anvil.

-THB

Ps I can’t believe you finally admitted you’re back together with him.

Throwing stuff at people

Whatever is meant to happen will happen, but what do you think will happen? What is your favorite outcome? Slice P... in small slices for revenge? Or throw stuff at him? 

My cousins hate that we are back together too. I am not sure who hates him more: you or them. You guys could start a group and split the cost for my North Korea flight so it is not too hard on your wallet. PS: you do know I fly for free, right? 

About high school, I totally understand what you mean. Don't get me wrong, I was not friendless. But I was kind of friends with very different people from very different cliques, but I never felt like I belong in any specific clique. I was my own clique. Me and my million brains :) 

Hope nights are going well my dear. 

As of me, my night with P.... was pretty great. I know this doesn't make for very interesting blogging - dishes flying would have been more entertaining but that's all I got. However, I am sure some drama will come up soon. It is not like anything is really simple between P.... and I. 

And now that I think about it, I do have something to share about last night. P.... finally admitted that him breaking up with me was a completely lunatic reaction and that all the "reasons" he fed me were bullshit. I know this should scare me 'cause it means he could break up with me this afternoon with no notice whatsoever, but I kind of feel relieved to know that it had nothing to do with me. Am I crazy? Should I have been throwing stuff at him last night? 

It does look kind of fun, doesn't it? 

LITTLE.BRAINS. 

High School Never Ends.....Penis

I’ll put the plane tickets on hold till October then or maybe time will take care of the problem for me. Fingers crossed for the cheaper option J

How about 음경, typpið or hímvessző ......yes I just Googled how to say penis in different languages, FYI the first one is Korean J I thought that was a cute touch or a bad touch as the case may be.

I’m sure whatever is meant to happen will happen, I have my favored outcome but I guess only time will time what will happen with you and......P lol

We’ll see what happens after this week, I love nights....days not so much. It kind of reminds me of high school, it’s very cliquey and I’m too me to fit in to any cliques. 

No I’ve never been setup, I like to do the leg work myself to weed of the freaks I seem to attract. But have no worries I always share all the details with you. That’s half the fun J

Hugs

The Honest Bitch 

Time apart

I am in Paris. The Penis is in New York. I go to San Francisco to meet up with friends Tuesday for a few days. He will still be in New York. And I am planning to go home at the beggining of August to spend 10 days with my parents. I also rebooked my Machu Pichu trek for mid-September.

See dear, you don't have to send me to North Korea. I am barely around anyways. I am curious how all this distance is going to affect us. What do you think? How do you think all this time away from each other is going to work out for us? 

By the way,  can we find the Penis another nickname non sex-related?

I am glad work is getting kind of better, and I cannot wait for you to be set-up on a date. I want all the details when it happens. I don't think I have ever been set-up on a date. Have you? 

PS: sorry about the title, I know it totally mislead you in thinking that I was taking time apart from the Penis

LITTLE.BRAINS.

Penetrated and Hockey Players

Lucky for you it’s a free world and you get to be penetrated by anything or anyone you want.....until that plane for North Korea takes off anyways J

In the meantime I’ll make sure I have lots of Mojito ingredients on hands at all times.

Work was good and murder free; I didn’t even see her. I absolutely love the night shift. The people are fantastic and we have a right laugh. Kate is trying to work out my type of guy so she can set me up for her amusement. She’s not having much luck so far. And claims I’m too picky......I’ve seen what I’ve dated...I’m not.

Tim Brent 

Jay Rosehill

Looks I like, clean, normally dark hair, taller than me and doesn’t look like he spends all day making him pretty. But in all honesty I normally end up dating guys who make me laugh. But if she could find me a Jay Rosehill or a Tim Brent (hockey players) I wouldn’t say no.

How goes things with your Penis?

-The Honest Bitch 

Sorry but the food was good

Dear, 

The food last night was good. And the sex this morning was good too. 

Maybe the break up was not such a bad thing.

Or maybe next week I will need those mojitos. Who knows ... 

Maybe you :) 

How was work last night? Any murders? 

LITTLE.BRAINS. 

Yes, Yes I did

I called The Penis your boyfriend, just like I am calling Kim Jong-un your
supreme leader and overlord :-P

-The Honest Bitch

Did you really call him my boyfriend?

I cannot believe you called him my boyfriend. Right now that's all I can write .... More will come later.

LITTLE.BRAINS.

The Penis Vs Mount Vesuvius

Luckily I am on nights all next week so thankfully I won’t have to deal with or kill her...at least not yet. I’m kind of hoping they may let me stay on nights. I am learning more on there then I am on the day shift anyways. I just wish I didn’t feel like there was a coup going on against one of the few people there who actually seems willing to train me.

How did you not murder that passenger? Or at the very least throw her off the plane in a tight spiral. You know you could solve half your problems just by having more chicken on the plane lol Hungry passengers are asshole passengers. Well some are just assholes but the point stands.

Matt? There’s a Matt.......why aren’t you going on a date with Matt? I personally like options 1 and 2 and as for 3... Throw him in Mount Vesuvius and be done with him and his hypnotic penis. But that may just be because I don’t want to send you to North Korea, I would miss our emails too much.....BUT I WILL DO IT.

Really, he went to Paris for an interview but won’t leave the country for fun? You’re boyfriend is a strange penis my dear.

Hugs,

The Honest Bitch 

Some days I just want to scream

I hate those kind of people, the 'I will do it myself' kind. I hope the job gets better my dear ... or perhaps you can just kill her. Yes I am being a little extreme, but I am kind of annoyed at people right now. 

After two hours on the runway waiting for our slot to take off, this woman decided to go to the bathroom, which made us lose your spot - and made us delayed for another hour. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I had any medication for her  urinary tract infection. Too much information lady! 

Then this other lady screamed at me because, once again, I had designed the plane the wrong way and her bag didn't fit. Ahhhhh! I wanted to scream back at her so badly! And of course the usual pissed off passenger who didn't get his choice between chicken and pasta. Again sir, we ran out of chicken, not fuel. Relax! 

I am also over ME and my stupid brain that doesn't know what it wants: one second  I want to change my phone number, move to another city and start a  clean slate, the other I want to go on a date with Matt - cute guy I met on the plane - and then for the most part, there is my ex in my head who is being so sweet and wants to cook etc etc ... ! AHHHHHH! Makes me want to scream at myself. 

PS: answers to your questions my dear: 

- The Penis was in Paris for a job interview. 

- And since we are officially not a couple - 'cause we don't text all the time - I figured I was off the hook for North Korea. Apparently I was wrong, on both counts. Seems like he thinks he is back into the boyfriend zone, and it seems you are still intent on sending me away. 

Not relevant whatsoever, but I couldn't find anything that was , so voila :) 

LITTLE.BRAINS.

Sex but no text :p

Yes dear,

We have been spending more nights together than apart. But there is no texting really happening.

Tonight is an off-night for me. I am back in NYC and the Penis is still in Paris, and I feel great. I am not even sure if I do miss him or not.

So not a couple is my answer meaning no North Korea for me :)

Going to crash now - not enough sleep in Paris.

Let me know how your first Monday goes!

Xoxo

LITTLE.BRAINS.

Magic Mike and The Penis

Thank you my dear, I’m really enjoying it, at least this part of it, we’ll find out Monday how the day part of my job is.

And yes, there are some hot ones there. I particularly like one I call Light Blue (he wears a light blue hi-vis vest), everyone else calls him “Magic Mike”...I’m not sure I want to know why. He comes off as a sweetie, a little quiet, stays out of the messing around a lot of the guys do. He’s the type I crush on but don’t date. Don’t ask me why, I don’t get it myself.

Speaking of dating.....You’re dating that toss pot again! Call it what you want but you are. So enjoy Paris because you’re next stop is North Korea. And tell The Penis to enjoy it too because he is a dead man.

But I have to ask......how did you get him out of the country? Sex? Sex, is my guess.

My definition of a couple is simple, when you spend more nights together then apart (when possible) and when it’s not possible you text that you wish you could be together more nights then not.

So you tell me, are you a couple?

That damn bird is an asshole, but since I am sleeping in the day it’s a little less alarm clock like, I guess it has....worms to find or something.

-THB

The Penis is coming to Paris

Congrats for the job my dear ... Many penis  men around you at work .... Any hot ones? 

So what is the definition of a couple to you? 

Dinner date. CHECK. 

Double date at comedy show.  CHECK. 

Drinks with friends. CHECK.  

Sex - multiple times. CHECK. 

Cuddle after sex. CHECK. 

Text all day. CHECK. 

Grab macaroons in the middle of work day. CHECK. 

Movies. CHECK. 

Dinner with best friend. CHECK. 

Sex, again. CHECK.

Using the word "couple." CHECK.

But I am still claiming to be single.

Me being delusional. CHECK.
Him acting like we never broke up. CHECK. 

Everyone around us saying we are nuts. CHECK. 

But I am not really worried about any of it. 

See we are not even really together, so we cannot really break up, and even if we did, it cannot be worse than the first time around when I totally got blindsided. I wasn't the least prepared to the break up, it wasn't easy for a few days ... Ok maybe it was more than just a few days, but I survived just fine.

So really, right now, it just seems to be a waste of energy to think about what will happen when it all goes to hell. I will just run to another country with another hot stranger. Or perhaps I will run to England since a good friend of mine promised me mojitos :) 

Off to Paris in about 2 hours, and the Penis is coming with. Don't ask how this happened. I don't know. 

But my cousin has a date planned for me in Paris so .... well  .... it should be interesting. 

Congrats again on the job dear! 

PS: how is the bird? 

LITTLE.BRAINS.